The three C's of love!

Here's a little Flashback Friday for you (although it is currently a few minutes after midnight). I wrote this in October 2013, a few months into dating Kyle and just after the "I love you" but well before engagement and marriage. I thought it was interesting to reread over it, had a few good points to remember, and was very fitting since Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Enjoy!

10/20/13-
I’ve been told that if you do not make a conscious decision and effort to have a relationship different than your parents, you will follow in their footsteps- whether good or bad. I only believe this to be partially true. I believe relationships (dating, exclusively dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, or marriage) all require thoughtful decisions and daily effort but I believe many more relationships than just your parents’ influence you. I have seen good relationships and I have seen bad relationships. I have been a part of good relationships and I have been a part of bad relationships. I in no way am saying I am an authority on relationships but for my twenty-nine years of life and seven committed relationships I believe I have gained a bit of experience and therefore some knowledge. In my current relationship we often discuss how important it is to have good communication. Kyle is hands down the best communicator I have ever dated and it has been an essential part of our relationship. So I started thinking, what are other important qualities of a relationship? My answer- Three C’s of a successful relationship: Chemistry, Communication, and Compromise.


Chemistry

Chemistry is essential because without it a relationship would never begin. You must be attracted to each other. You must be drawn to talk to one another. You must give each other butterflies and warm fuzzies. Within chemistry there must also be connection because with only an initial “I think she’s hot let me go talk to her” there may be a beginning but shortly thereafter there would be an end. Your connection cannot simply be physical; that is part of it but it must be deeper. A deeper connection means you are strengthened as an individual by being with your special someone. They may make you feel grounded or full of life but either way you know you are better by being with them. And here’s the kicker- you must do the same for them.

Communication

A relationship is hard work. You must learn the other person’s preferences as well as their buttons to stay far away from. And although you may one day hope to find that “perfect” person for you, I guarantee you they will not be able to perfectly read your mind. If you do not communicate your likes and dislikes, your baggage and hurts, your history but also your hopes for the future how is your special someone supposed to know? It is hard but I believe necessary to open up, be vulnerable, and honest. Communication not only helps in cultivating the relationship but is also crucial in it’s longevity. This is because miscommunication is the downfall of most relationships. Think back to some of your biggest fights… can you even remember what started it? Many times a fight develops because one person took something the other said or did in a way not intended. The hurt feelings are not expressed and fester within often exploding out at a less than opportune time. One is thought of as insensitive and the other as passive and snippy. These petty arguments build and over time leave both parties feeling frustrated and tired. The relationship is no longer life-giving but now taxing and depleting. All this because one was not able to say “Hey, what did you mean by {insert off-color but maybe innocent comment}?” If it was innocent then the fight is over before it ever started and if it was not innocent… well, then that is probably something you two should talk about.

Compromise

When having the “talks” that come with good communication you must realize you are not always right and your way is not always the best or only way. Remember to be kind a patient, always being more about love than you are about judgment. Step into the other person’s shoes and walk around a bit. Try to understand why their belief is different than yours or better yet use their belief as the starting point and try to see why yours is different. I am not saying that because you are not always right that you are always wrong. Just like everything else in life, a relationship is about balance. It will take time to find your balance and practice to keep it but along the way remember to be gentle- with others and yourself. We all have reasons for our beliefs and when they are simply disregarded in an argument we feel empty and disrespected. Instead of disregarding an opinion, try to understand it. Thoughtfully explain your side and be patient as your love tries to understand it. Hopefully with all the love, kindness, gentleness, and understanding floating around a conclusion will be made- your love will agree with you, or you with them, or maybe you will meet somewhere in the middle.

 

So there they are, the Three C’s of a successful relationship: Chemistry, Communication, and Compromise. Chemistry provides the initial spark, communication gives the relationship depth, and compromise keeps both feeling heard and loved. A relationship is hard work but a good relationship- the love, joy, giggles, belly laughs, hugs, sweetness, and peace- is so worth it!


09/18/13- Happy Birthday to me :)
pic1

10/13/13- Merrell 5K
pic2

10/26/13- Sleepy Beauty and Prince Phillip My Cup
pic3

12/14/13- 1st annual ugly Christmas sweater party
pic4

05/04/14- dance performance
pic5

05/05/14- 1 year anniversary- Cinco de Mayo dinner :)
pic6

07/20/14- Engagement! California trip
pic9

07/21/14- Wine country bike tour
pic10

07/22/14- Red woods hike
pic11

10/22/14- pumpkin carving
pic7

12/27/14- Skiing in Colorado (Happy Birthday Faith!)
pic8

03/07/15- Engagement photo shoot
pic14

05/22/15- Wedding day
pic12

Love him, our chemistry, communication, and compromises :)
pic13